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Wouldn’t Wan’ta Be Like You Sir

(This essay has mature content
and was written in a humorous context.)

The social strata in America currently has grown to include a wide range of classes. An obvious contrast stands out blatantly between Bikers, a relatively new social class, and the elusive American aristocracy. Without being overly critical in such a comparison, let us examine their diversity logically, using the basic structure of all human needs food, shelter, and health. A vast wealth of personal preferences and choices intertwined with the primary necessities add color to each perspective listed. Without regard to political correctness, let us continue.

The first of these basic necessities is to nourish the body. Breakfast starts the day, providing a foundation and energy for progressing throughout the day’s activities. In the midmorning shade of his private gazebo, the monied aristocrat pleasantly enjoys a gourmet meal of quiche, fresh fruit, and homemade croissant, prepared by his personal chef, and served by an impeccably groomed butler. Conversely, the biker, swatting various sizes of water bugs and roaches from the rickety kitchen table, has his “Old Lady” slam together a Denver omelet, topped with Tabasco, which runs down the side of his plate like pancake syrup.

Later in the day, the aristocrat (let’s call him Art) enjoys a leisurely lunch of Caesar salad and finger sandwiches with his golfing buddies down at the country club. The biker, (hereafter referred to as Butch) stops for a bite at “EATS”, a well known truck stop somewhere in the middle of Texas on I-10. The smell of burnt diesel, fried onions, and greasy hamburgers permeates the air throughout the restaurant as Butch hungrily awaits a triple-decker cheeseburger with fries.

Dinnertime finds Art dining on Lobster Thermador or Prime Rib served on fine china in one of New York’s exclusive dining establishments, while Butch is gorging himself on bar-b-que beef sandwiches, served on paper plates at a neighborhood block party. No meal would be complete without a fine beverage. We find Butch swatting mosquitoes, and sweating almost as much as the 15-gallon keg of Budweiser, as he helps himself to all the beer he can drink. Each beer is of course preceded by a shooter of Kentucky Bourbon. On the contrary, Art is swirling the last sip of wine, a rare bottle of vintage Bordeaux, and savoring the final morsel of his lobster. Snapping his fingers at the waiter, he orders a bottle of Don Perignon.

As mentioned above, shelter is the second basic need, and our comparison again provides a strange combination of antonyms and synonyms. Based of the ideal of conspicuous consumption, the modern American aristocrat, Art resides in classic stone mansion surrounded by acres of immaculately manicured grounds and gardens. In addition, this real estate includes a hanger large enough to park his plane and RVs within, all of which is safeguarded by a security gate and complicated digital alarm system. Butch has a 60-foot singlewide mobile home that sits in the middle of an acre of land. Surrounded by a 6-foot chain link fence, “Rusty” his pit bull guards the property like a sniper. “Dusty” his sawed-off shotgun remains loaded with buckshot perched above the front door as a backup. The vast amounts of land allow each to become experts in horticulture and botany, each pursuing their individual specialty. The millionaire cultivates rare hybrid roses and orchids, while the Butch grows an acre of marijuana amidst rows of corn.

Next, we find that personal hygiene and health considerably widen the gap between the bikers and the aristocrats. Elegant spas with adjoining saunas are used daily by the wealthy. Butch finds natural lakes and ponds can be refreshing when nearby. The Art has a personal physician tend to his medical needs, prescribing Prozac and Valium to compensate for the pressures of such high-class living. The Butch keeps a personal pharmacy, complete with variously acquired prescription drugs and controlled substances, regularly self-administering LSD or speed to keep him socially maladjusted.

Social behavior finds some threads common to both cultures. Both men enjoy clubs, music, public gatherings, romance, love, and sex. These things play important roles in maintaining convivial atmospheres. The bikers are generally associated with the Hells Angels (or other related organizations), and the rich generally belong to private polo and country clubs. Music being considered the universal language, bridges both our subjects, and they enjoy harmony very much. Art prefers the soothing sounds of jazz, and classical concertos, while Rock’ N’ Roll and cry in my beer, Country Western are the chosen jams by Butch. Aristocrats gathering in large numbers, to socialize, sometimes will fill a theater, like the Teatro La Scala, in Milan, Italy, to it’s maximum of 2,200 seats. At these classic architectural marvels, art is entertained with classic Shakespearean plays or a world-renown operatic diva. Conversely, the bikers have shown up on their Harley Davidson motorcycles in Sturgis, S.D. 220,000 strong, every year.

On the lighter side, romance aristocratic style may offer a private jet to cruise on his yacht in the moonlight of the Caribbean Sea or South Pacific Ocean. Butch affectionately offers his woman, a private tour into the Badlands of South Dakota on a starry night on the back of his bike. Art demonstrates his love by sending dozens of roses, while Butch delivers a crimson negligee with a rose strategically embroidered. The areas of intimacy and sex must also be addressed, to shed a penetrating light on the psyche of both groups. In the quietness of dim candlelight, secluded in a room, the Art physically demonstrates his love, while Butch prefers broad daylight at a Grateful Dead Concert to confess spontaneous expressions of passion and desire.

Pets make fine companions to both. Art prefers a flawlessly groomed, pedigree Great Dane, which he can take on a leisurely stroll about the grounds of his estate. In Butch’s yard, we find Rusty the pit bull who lives to terrorize any and all cats or anything for that matter that is unlucky enough to capture his attention.

Education clearly defines ones ability to solve the daily problems in life. Having been around the block more than once Butch learns very fast. On more than one occasion Butch has cleverly eluded Police, the IRS, collection agencies and ex-girlfriends. Art has been around the world more than once, having been educated in many of the finer institutions, is an eternal student or so he pretends to be.

Travel for the rich yearly visit many exotic places, all around the world, collecting fine art and antiques. Butch also takes frequent trips importing illegal contraband, often without ever leaving a sneeze. He, too, appreciates art, but prefers to have it tattooed on his and his “Old Lady’s” body where he can show it off wherever he goes.

Economically speaking, Art is an entrepreneur, applying his education and vastly increasing his legacy. Furthermore, he lives off the interest from an inherited estate. Butch is borne into a class of a blue-collar worker who lives off a weekly paycheck, SSI, and drug money.

The rise in crime in these American states and other parts of the world sharpens the wit in this phylum. Art keeps his valuables locked in a safe, and drives a $300,000 Rolls Royce. Butch stashes his valuables in diverse places, many of which he has no memory of later in time, and jumps on a classic $25,000, 1932 Harley Davidson. Personal protection for Art consists of a can of mace, and fumbling for a cell phone, while for Butch, it is a eight inch razor sharp buck knife and stainless steel double action .44 magnum.

Jewelry and clothing provide some similarities. Both men desire to possess high quality silks, satins, and leather. The aristocratic woman is adorned with gold, silver, and of course diamond earrings. The biker chick wears chrome-studded chokers, chains, gold and silver earrings, nose rings, tongue studs, etc. A boot knife and stainless steel .38 caliber revolver complete the ensemble to make her a feme-fetale, a lure for any would be prairie dog. The silks, satin dresses, and ball gowns, which fill the heiress’s closets, give way to the biker’s azure satin sheets, silk teddies, and crotchless panties. Leather and fur are musts for both sets. To the rich, leather upholsters the seats of the Rolls, and mink keeps the wives warm at the opera. To the biker, miniskirts, chaps and, black jackets made of fine leather is preferred. Furthermore, fur lines the boots and the toilet seat.

Despite the many differences of the aristocrat and the biker, I have pointed out many common areas as well in personal and social areas. However, I feel that the philosophical differences embodied in the following phrases say it all:

The biker says“Ride hard, die fast.”

The aristocrat says“You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think.”

[12-23-99 (English 101)]

Pop Goes the Weasel

The political, economic and religious ideals that our civilization imposes upon our children have a great influence upon them. Gradually, our society continues to turn up the heat on these falsely implied ideals. We put our children in a pressure cooker, add all that we believe they should become, lock the lid, and wait the prescribed amount of time to cook, all the time stoking the fire with our expectations. Tragically we often underestimate the capacity within and the pot explodes, releasing its contents in a natural reaction to the circumstances and pressure at hand. Sometimes the cook (society) is injured, but if he is wise, he will learn from his mistakes.

Seeking freedom from religious persecution, people from all around the world migrated to this country. This freedom was written into our Constitution, however from the initial conception of these beliefs, upon which our nation was founded, a few people have sought to manipulate those rights away from us. Today’s industrial giants drive our economy with a well-honed political wedge, cloaked in the illusion of marketing. P. T. Barnum was right when he said, “There is a sucker born every minute.” Does Barnum’s statement give us either the license (using our economic consciousness) or the right to use this against our children? Would they not, some day grow up to teach their own children the same thing? I read somewhere that the average child spends more time watching TV than he spends in school. No wonder these kids want everything under the sun. Sadly, many of their parents give in to them, either out of a lack of self-discipline, or the fear of governmental intervention in their methods of discipline.

Global communications have now plugged into the once isolated regions of the earth. Where previously primitive communities lived peacefully, they now freely receive the “benefits” of the calculated sword of media, driven by political economics. Hollywood, the once hailed entity that was to bring culture, drama and education to the world, now delivers auspiciously, multi-million dollar movies about sex, violence, crime, and the fear of extinction. Our adult society advocates these films by nonchalantly allowing our children to view them at their own leisure, repeatedly. Though some of these films may have a valid point to make, a child can not be expected to understand the emotional aspects of the characters, which they cheer on. Watching some one else swim looks easy until you try it for the first time. However, if you cannot touch the bottom, you will learn something, discovering either how to swim, or die in a panic by drowning. This is no doubt the result.

Attached to the tentacle of the media are the fingers of religion and the glove of spirituality. What a powerful tool the intangible is in the hands of a knowledgeable man. With the best intentions, religions around the world try to convince you (and your children) that they know the only answer. Not only will they tell you that you are incapable of understanding the utmost secret doctrines, but religious leaders often imply that if one follows the interpretation of another mans vision, you too can share the same vision. In this way, we set up our minds to embrace the intangible, as taught to us by one who claims that the concept of a supreme entity or entities are tangible, and pass our ideals on to our children. Like Pavlov’s Dog, our culture salivates through the motions of ritual, and upon receiving the spiritual biscuit, savoring it consciously trying to discern its flavor. No wonder our children and young adults choose atheism or fall back into ancient traditions of paganism and occult studies. It is these beliefs, which are possibly older than writing itself, that surface when other forms of religion are forced upon a mind that is full of the “I’m the only truth, and all else is a lie.” mentality.

We emphasize and encourage educational standards as determined by our government (the one that insures our economic success). Over the course of the millennia, the pursuit of knowledge has been at a premium, and educating the individual mind encompasses an interactive study between wise men. Although attaining this knowledge did not guarantee material wealth, it gave a sense of satisfaction by understanding the complexity of simplicity. Today, we compete to conceive perfect devices, intended to make our existence easier, and give ourselves more time to do as we please. This concept drives home the idea that the more education we acquire, the more free time we will have. We literally buy into this goal of attaining the highest level of knowledge (if we have the money); so that our government can take the largest possible share of our earned income taxes and we sill have more time. Only now, are our children beginning to have the insight (through one of the benefits of media) that money and material possessions do not insure happiness and peace of mind. Many of today’s young adults have chosen to remove themselves from the “normal” means of social order, and tag themselves to the retro concepts of the trends of the sixties and the era of free love.

Today’s children idolize film and music personalities with the hope that some special wisdom will be transferred to their hungry minds, to replace the diminishing role of mentors who used to impart their own unique perspective and wisdom. Repeatedly, through the millennia, humanity has used natural drugs to break through the concepts that have restricted their minds with definitive language. Things have not changed to this day. Children and young adults still experiment with drugs to break through the false conceptions and search for purpose. Without the shamans, or knowledgeable teachers, young people become addicted to a multitude of drugs in a vain attempt to dissolve the illusions that society has imprinted upon them. Unfortunately, many never recover from these addictions, and add to the burden on society, helpless in the hands of psychologists and psychiatrists who believe that there is something deeply wrong with the human psyche. Sadly the counselors they are correct but they usually lack the insight to tell their patients the truth because they too are blind from traditional education.


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