(This essay has mature content
and was written in a humorous context.)
The social strata in America currently has grown to include a wide range of classes. An obvious contrast stands out blatantly between Bikers, a relatively new social class, and the elusive American aristocracy. Without being overly critical in such a comparison, let us examine their diversity logically, using the basic structure of all human needs food, shelter, and health. A vast wealth of personal preferences and choices intertwined with the primary necessities add color to each perspective listed. Without regard to political correctness, let us continue.
The first of these basic necessities is to nourish the body. Breakfast starts the day, providing a foundation and energy for progressing throughout the day’s activities. In the midmorning shade of his private gazebo, the monied aristocrat pleasantly enjoys a gourmet meal of quiche, fresh fruit, and homemade croissant, prepared by his personal chef, and served by an impeccably groomed butler. Conversely, the biker, swatting various sizes of water bugs and roaches from the rickety kitchen table, has his “Old Lady” slam together a Denver omelet, topped with Tabasco, which runs down the side of his plate like pancake syrup.
Later in the day, the aristocrat (let’s call him Art) enjoys a leisurely lunch of Caesar salad and finger sandwiches with his golfing buddies down at the country club. The biker, (hereafter referred to as Butch) stops for a bite at “EATS”, a well known truck stop somewhere in the middle of Texas on I-10. The smell of burnt diesel, fried onions, and greasy hamburgers permeates the air throughout the restaurant as Butch hungrily awaits a triple-decker cheeseburger with fries.
Dinnertime finds Art dining on Lobster Thermador or Prime Rib served on fine china in one of New York’s exclusive dining establishments, while Butch is gorging himself on bar-b-que beef sandwiches, served on paper plates at a neighborhood block party. No meal would be complete without a fine beverage. We find Butch swatting mosquitoes, and sweating almost as much as the 15-gallon keg of Budweiser, as he helps himself to all the beer he can drink. Each beer is of course preceded by a shooter of Kentucky Bourbon. On the contrary, Art is swirling the last sip of wine, a rare bottle of vintage Bordeaux, and savoring the final morsel of his lobster. Snapping his fingers at the waiter, he orders a bottle of Don Perignon.
As mentioned above, shelter is the second basic need, and our comparison again provides a strange combination of antonyms and synonyms. Based of the ideal of conspicuous consumption, the modern American aristocrat, Art resides in classic stone mansion surrounded by acres of immaculately manicured grounds and gardens. In addition, this real estate includes a hanger large enough to park his plane and RVs within, all of which is safeguarded by a security gate and complicated digital alarm system. Butch has a 60-foot singlewide mobile home that sits in the middle of an acre of land. Surrounded by a 6-foot chain link fence, “Rusty” his pit bull guards the property like a sniper. “Dusty” his sawed-off shotgun remains loaded with buckshot perched above the front door as a backup. The vast amounts of land allow each to become experts in horticulture and botany, each pursuing their individual specialty. The millionaire cultivates rare hybrid roses and orchids, while the Butch grows an acre of marijuana amidst rows of corn.
Next, we find that personal hygiene and health considerably widen the gap between the bikers and the aristocrats. Elegant spas with adjoining saunas are used daily by the wealthy. Butch finds natural lakes and ponds can be refreshing when nearby. The Art has a personal physician tend to his medical needs, prescribing Prozac and Valium to compensate for the pressures of such high-class living. The Butch keeps a personal pharmacy, complete with variously acquired prescription drugs and controlled substances, regularly self-administering LSD or speed to keep him socially maladjusted.
Social behavior finds some threads common to both cultures. Both men enjoy clubs, music, public gatherings, romance, love, and sex. These things play important roles in maintaining convivial atmospheres. The bikers are generally associated with the Hells Angels (or other related organizations), and the rich generally belong to private polo and country clubs. Music being considered the universal language, bridges both our subjects, and they enjoy harmony very much. Art prefers the soothing sounds of jazz, and classical concertos, while Rock’ N’ Roll and cry in my beer, Country Western are the chosen jams by Butch. Aristocrats gathering in large numbers, to socialize, sometimes will fill a theater, like the Teatro La Scala, in Milan, Italy, to it’s maximum of 2,200 seats. At these classic architectural marvels, art is entertained with classic Shakespearean plays or a world-renown operatic diva. Conversely, the bikers have shown up on their Harley Davidson motorcycles in Sturgis, S.D. 220,000 strong, every year.
On the lighter side, romance aristocratic style may offer a private jet to cruise on his yacht in the moonlight of the Caribbean Sea or South Pacific Ocean. Butch affectionately offers his woman, a private tour into the Badlands of South Dakota on a starry night on the back of his bike. Art demonstrates his love by sending dozens of roses, while Butch delivers a crimson negligee with a rose strategically embroidered. The areas of intimacy and sex must also be addressed, to shed a penetrating light on the psyche of both groups. In the quietness of dim candlelight, secluded in a room, the Art physically demonstrates his love, while Butch prefers broad daylight at a Grateful Dead Concert to confess spontaneous expressions of passion and desire.
Pets make fine companions to both. Art prefers a flawlessly groomed, pedigree Great Dane, which he can take on a leisurely stroll about the grounds of his estate. In Butch’s yard, we find Rusty the pit bull who lives to terrorize any and all cats or anything for that matter that is unlucky enough to capture his attention.
Education clearly defines ones ability to solve the daily problems in life. Having been around the block more than once Butch learns very fast. On more than one occasion Butch has cleverly eluded Police, the IRS, collection agencies and ex-girlfriends. Art has been around the world more than once, having been educated in many of the finer institutions, is an eternal student or so he pretends to be.
Travel for the rich yearly visit many exotic places, all around the world, collecting fine art and antiques. Butch also takes frequent trips importing illegal contraband, often without ever leaving a sneeze. He, too, appreciates art, but prefers to have it tattooed on his and his “Old Lady’s” body where he can show it off wherever he goes.
Economically speaking, Art is an entrepreneur, applying his education and vastly increasing his legacy. Furthermore, he lives off the interest from an inherited estate. Butch is borne into a class of a blue-collar worker who lives off a weekly paycheck, SSI, and drug money.
The rise in crime in these American states and other parts of the world sharpens the wit in this phylum. Art keeps his valuables locked in a safe, and drives a $300,000 Rolls Royce. Butch stashes his valuables in diverse places, many of which he has no memory of later in time, and jumps on a classic $25,000, 1932 Harley Davidson. Personal protection for Art consists of a can of mace, and fumbling for a cell phone, while for Butch, it is a eight inch razor sharp buck knife and stainless steel double action .44 magnum.
Jewelry and clothing provide some similarities. Both men desire to possess high quality silks, satins, and leather. The aristocratic woman is adorned with gold, silver, and of course diamond earrings. The biker chick wears chrome-studded chokers, chains, gold and silver earrings, nose rings, tongue studs, etc. A boot knife and stainless steel .38 caliber revolver complete the ensemble to make her a feme-fetale, a lure for any would be prairie dog. The silks, satin dresses, and ball gowns, which fill the heiress’s closets, give way to the biker’s azure satin sheets, silk teddies, and crotchless panties. Leather and fur are musts for both sets. To the rich, leather upholsters the seats of the Rolls, and mink keeps the wives warm at the opera. To the biker, miniskirts, chaps and, black jackets made of fine leather is preferred. Furthermore, fur lines the boots and the toilet seat.
Despite the many differences of the aristocrat and the biker, I have pointed out many common areas as well in personal and social areas. However, I feel that the philosophical differences embodied in the following phrases say it all:
The biker says – “Ride hard, die fast.”
The aristocrat says - “You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think.”
[12-23-99 (English 101)]
